Three old men were sitting around talking about who had the worst health problems. The 70year old said, "have i got a problem. Every morning i get up at 7 and have to pee, but i have to stand at the toilet for an hour cause my pee hardly comes out."
Heck said the 80 year old. "Every morning at 8 i have to take a dump but i have to sit for hours cause im constipated…
The 90 year old said, "U guys think u have problems!!! Every morning at 7 i pee like a racehorse and at 8 i take a dump like a pig…only problem is i get up at 11:( hahahhaa

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pYoCfhHs2wE&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f7ZOe-P_wQk
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Funny Hilarious Funny Hilarious Funny gifs funny davemaster hilarious gif funny gifs hilarious davemaster gif funny gifs hilarious youtube video funny hilarious davemaster999 funny gif gifs youtube part part very gifs funny davemaster davemaster999 gifs cats dogs Animation, Blooper, Improv, Parody, Pranks, Series, Short Film, Sketch, Spoof, Stand-up, Video Blog, Athletics, Business, Communications, Computer Science, Economics, funny DaveMasteR999 hilarious very gifs …that was it!Duration : 0:5:23 Views : 2355633.

Three guys die and end up at the gates of heaven, talking to St. Peter.
"So," Peter asks the first guy, "how many times did you cheat on your wife?"

"None. I had a perfect marriage."

"Great," says Peter. "You get to cruise around heaven in a Mercedes. And you, how many times did you cheat on your wife?"

"Only twice, I think," says the second guy.

"Okay. You get to cruise around heaven in a Cadillac. And you, how many times did you cheat on your wife?"

"12 times. Maybe 13," says the third guy.

"Okay," says Peter. "You get a rusty Ford."

Later that day, the guy in the Cadillac sees the guy in the Mercedes crying.

"What's wrong?"

"I just saw my wife."

"So?"

"She was riding a skateboard."

What do you think?

KEWASKUM, Wis. - Police Chief Richard Knoebel says he wasn’t about to take the easy way out when he accidentally drove past a stopped school bus with its emergency lights flashing.

For violating traffic laws, Knoebel wrote himself a ticket for $235, docked himself four points on his driving record and paid the fine the next day.

It happened in September but didn’t make news until after the fine appeared in court records and was reported by a West Bend newspaper.

Knoebel says he doesn’t mind getting the belated attention, if it serves to raise awareness.

“If it brings notice to people that they should be stopping for school buses, I don’t mind the notoriety,” he said.

He said he was on patrol on four-lane U.S. 45 when he was distracted by a stopped dump truck. He saw a car coming from behind and thought it might hit the truck, …

some excerpts from real student essays:

The inhabitants of ancient Egypt were called mummies. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere, so certain areas of the dessert are cultivated by irritation. The Egyptians built the Pyramids in the shape of a huge triangular cube. The Pyramids are a range of mountains between France and Spain.

The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible, Guinesses, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain, once asked, “Am I my brother’s son?” God asked Abraham to sacrifice Isaac on Mount Montezuma. Jacob, son of Isaac, stole his brother’s birth mark. Jacob was a patriarch who brought up his twelve sons to be …